Because behind that question is usually a real experience. Maybe someone felt looked down on at Mass. Maybe they encountered a Catholic who came across as cold, critical or dismissive. If that’s been your experience, I’m genuinely sorry. That’s not what the Church is meant to be.

Quick side note: Isn’t it at least a little ironic to say, “Catholics are so judgy”? I mean … that’s kind of a judgment too. Not a bad thing — just worth smiling at for a second.

But back to the heart of the question.

There are times when Catholics can come across as judgmental. I’ve heard stories — even from my own family — about parents at Mass getting “the look” because their kids were noisy. That’s real. And when that happens, it’s not a reflection of Jesus — it’s a reflection of human weakness.

At the same time, there’s something deeper going on.

The Catholic Church does make distinctions between right and wrong, good and evil, truth and falsehood. And in a culture that often prefers “you do you,” that can feel like judgment. But here’s the key distinction:

Jesus tells us not to judge people — their hearts, their souls, their ultimate standing before God. Why? Because we don’t have that kind of access. Only God sees the heart.

But Jesus does not tell us to turn off our ability to evaluate actions.

In fact, He says the opposite. He tells us, “You will know them by their fruits.” In other words, we are called to discern, to evaluate, to recognize whether something is good or not. Not to condemn the person — but to be honest about the action.

Isn’t this what love must do?

Think about it: Would we actually want a Church that refused to say anything is wrong? A Church that never named evil? A Church that couldn’t recognize goodness and praise it? That wouldn’t be loving — it would be indifferent.

Love cares enough to say, “This is good — go toward it.” And, “This is harmful — turn away from it.”

But here’s where it gets personal.

Sometimes, what we experience as “being judged” is actually just being noticed. I remember a man who once wrote to me. He had recently come to faith after a rough past and started attending Mass. He told me he felt uncomfortable — like people were staring at him. He had tattoos covering his arms, his neck, even his face.

At one point, I gently pointed out: there was likely a time in his life when he chose those tattoos precisely because he wanted to be noticed. Now, he didn’t want that attention anymore. We both had a good laugh about it — but he also saw the point.

Not every glance is condemnation. Not every reaction is rejection.

So yes — Catholics are called to make judgments about actions. We have to be. But we are never allowed to condemn the person.

And when we do — when we look down on others, when we assume the worst, when we fail to love — we’re not being “too Catholic.”

We’re not being Catholic enough.

Because the truth is this: The Church doesn’t exist to stand above the world in judgment.

She exists to stand in the middle of it, pointing to what is good, calling out what is harmful — and inviting every single one of us to the mercy of Jesus Christ.